Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.