first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
