when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.