She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"