You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.