Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels