I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just threw up on my dentist
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.