Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.