getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis