When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
