You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
