He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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