I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
