just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
