I want to walk on stilts...naked
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
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I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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