Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
