You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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