bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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