I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
