This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
