lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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