we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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