My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is classic penis vs brain.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
