he wants to bone in the snuggie
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
