She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
