my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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