i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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