theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
