Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
