after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
