It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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