you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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