He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
