her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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