I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize