Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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