were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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