And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
