Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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