I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
