i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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