i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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