i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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