I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
