the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
