No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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