Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
