at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
