Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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