just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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