She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
