im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
