Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
