Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
