Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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