So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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