naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
