Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
