so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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