pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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