dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
