He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
