I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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