Michael Bay diarrhea
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
