He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Two words: blizzard sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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