did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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