She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
