a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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