considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
