we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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