People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
