Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
