How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize