I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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