i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
