McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
