Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
