Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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