Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
