his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
