i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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