cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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