I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
